He's Just Not That Into You (Dog Lady Style)

Dear Dog Lady,

I grew up with dogs but I'm not a dog lover and am not comfortable touching them. I also don't like dog hair around the house especially on my clothes. I'm kind of scared of dander/fur/hair so I won’t touch a puppy, kitten, chicks or any small animals with hair. However, once the animals are bigger, I can tolerate them around me, although I still won't touch them.

I've been dating a guy for a year now that is so crazy about his dog. His office at work has the dog's pictures all over and in every corner. He also has the dog's portrait hanging on the wall of his house, framed pictures on many tables, and he carries a snapshot in his wallet. He spends hours walking his dog on weekdays regardless how busy he is at work. And he gives more time walking the dog on weekends when he's off from work. Sometimes even though he's already been with the dog the whole day, he will still go back to his house after we have a dinner date just to walk the dog (again) before he can stay at my place.

He also makes comments how important that dog is to his life. I think all this is too much. Is there any chance his unusual love and attachment to his dog can be changed?

Micca, New Orleans, LA

Dog Lady replies: Micca, to quote that famous line from “Sex And the City” (and the bestseller book title): He’s just not that into you. The writing is on the wall along with the dog portrait.

Dog Lady understands why your dander is up. It must be disheartening for you to be in competition with a canine. I wish I could offer some assurances about the changing nature of your man’s love and attachment to the dog. Unfortunately, the picture isn’t pretty. Like the luminous visage of Gene Tierney in the classic film “Laura,” the dog will continue to stare down at you and haunt your dander-free dreams of togetherness.

You must be frustrated. However, it would be no different if you were dating a divorced man whose devotion to his grown children seemed excessive, or a go-getter tycoon who was entirely focused on the art of the deal. Your man does not appear ready to put you first He reminds you of your secondary status by lavishing more attention on his pet than on you.

Talking is always good. Gather your courage. You need to communicate your feelings about the role of the primary pet in your boyfriend’s life. Be prepared for the conversation to wander in a painful direction. Your boyfriend sounds non-committal anyway and he might use the opportunity to question the whole relationship with you. Facing the music will be hard, but, inevitably, the swan song will allow you to get on with your life.

Micca, your aversion to dogs is an insurmountable boundary preventing you from having an intimate relationship with any dog-keeping guy. Doesn’t make you a bad person, just a woman who prefers not weaving dog fur into the daily routines. People who have pets love their animals and want to include them in the warp and woof of their social lives. Your boyfriend must wish you could effortlessly join him and the dog on their epic walks, or allow his pet to spend a night over at your place.

If you really want this relationship to work, you will have to, at least, make an appointment with your local allergist. You also must try to overcome your fear of touching a dog. You may find your efforts touch your man as well.

Posted by Dog Lady at February 26, 2005 03:55 PM