Boxed-In By Family

Dear Dog Lady,

My father, who lives with me, my husband, and my son, adores our boxer, Diesel. He loves him so much, that he pays 99 percent of his attention to our dog and only one percent to his two-year-old grandson. He has never played with, nor taken my son for a walk. Yet he goes for a walk with Diesel at least five times a day. He sleeps with our dog, and takes care of him. It’s as if our dog is my father’s own pet. We don't get a chance to spend time with Diesel, because he enjoys my Dad's company rather than ours.

My Dad basically ignores my son, but he talks to the dog all the time. This is making me so frustrated, because I do not understand how somebody can love an animal more than his two-year-old grandson.

I love my dog very much. I always wanted a dog, and that's why my husband got him for me three years ago, but the unconditional love I have towards my son cannot compare to my love for my pet. Please, how do I approach my father about this problem?

Sandra, Seattle, WA

Nom D' Fume

Dear Dog Lady,

We love your column and sound advice. We are interested to know your thoughts related to a matter of etiquette. We are partners and have a nine-month-old Westie with an uncommon name. She is the center of our universe. Recently friends of ours got a second dog and gave her the same name. We were a bit taken aback, but have not said anything about this to our friends. Are we being too proprietary about this name thing? Is it in poor taste to name one's dog the same unusual name of his friend's dog? Your thoughts would be most appreciated.

Ian and Antonio, Boston, MA

Political Animals

With the heated presidential race, Dog Lady reprints a column below about Bill and Hillary Clinton's shabby Buddy system.

Dear Dog Lady,

I recently watched the Barbara Walters interview with Hillary Clinton on the eve of the publication of Clinton's memoir, Living History. Clinton singled out Buddy, the dog, as the "only member of our family" that wanted anything to do with President Bill Clinton after the Monica Lewinsky revelations and impeachment proceedings.

What's happened to Buddy, the political loyalist?

Ed, Dorchester, MA.

Ed, get it through your head -- Buddy is dead. The dog survived the Washington wars but couldn't survive the Clintons. Buddy paid a steep price for his loyalty. Having moved to Chappaqua, New York with Senator and ex-president Clinton, the dog dropped down the priority list. No one was watching Buddy when he escaped from the Clinton country manse early in January 2002. Buddy ran out into the road and was hit by a car.

Buddy served as the warm-fuzzy in photo ops -- including that famous photo of the Clintons striding off for their dysfunctional Vineyard vacation at the height of the Lewinsky scandal. Daughter Chelsea holds each of her parents' hands while the president clutches Buddy's leash. Too bad Bill wasn't holding on when Buddy ran out into the road.

On the stump promoting her book, Mrs. Clinton wrings a few book sales from dog lovers by citing Buddy's blind devotion. Of course, she doesn't dwell on the dog's demise. Figures. The Clintons seem reckless with their allegiances. Look at Lani Guinier, or any other member of their circle who served his or her immediate purpose only to be frozen out for political expediency.

Even Socks, the cat, got the brush off. Socks was rescued by Betty Currie, the stoic presidential secretary and Monica Lewinsky buffer, when the Clintons left the White House. With the Clintons, pets and political allies appear to be disposable.

Reportedly, the Clintons now have another dog, a chocolate Lab named Seamus, who springs from the same stock as Buddy. Dog Lady hopes fate is kinder to Seamus.

The Clintons' treatment of pets as political expedients further gets hashed over here.

Catty Dog Walk

Dear Dog Lady,

This woman walks her dog in my neighborhood and she constantly makes comments about my own dog’s lack of clothing. Her comments, disguised as observations on the weather, always revolve around the fact that my dog would be happier, drier, or warmer in a coat. How does she know? She dresses her Bichon in Burberry. Meanwhile, my dog went ballistic the first time I tried to put a sweater on him. He tried to bite, claw and attack the garment as if the woolie was an alien creature. I’ve attempted to explain this to her. Still, she persists in second-guessing my wardrobe choices for Chester, my schnoodle.

Gretchen, Beverly Hills, CA

Snoop Dog Goodbye

Dear Dog Lady,

We lost our dog on a Maine island last year. On our last day, as we scrambled to clean up, we realized the dog had vanished. We missed ferry after ferry as we looked for him, but he had disappeared. Finally, we had no other choice but leave him behind. We felt sad but not that sad. We had just gotten the dog from a shelter and hadn’t yet bonded. To wit, we felt inspired only to call him “Snoopy,” a very lame name. We hadn’t yet put any identification on his collar.

When friends went to close their cottage a couple of weeks ago, they called us with the news of a Snoopy sighting. The dog was walking in town with two men and appeared happy. We were relieved. We wonder now what we should do if we run into Snoopy when we return to our rental next summer. Claim him? Ignore him?

Eileen and Lou, Katonah, NY

A Mongrel By Any Other Name

Dear Dog Lady,

This woman I work with has gotten one of these designer breed dogs. I think it’s a shih-poo, which sounds disgusting. All this person does is brag about her dog and when another co-worker cracked about how it was really a mutt instead of a pure-bred, the woman looked like she was going to break down in tears – as if she had bought a Prada pocketbook from a street vendor and found out it was a fake. Isn’t a shih-poo a mutt?

Jessica, New York, NY

Prescription Dogs?

Dear Dog Lady,

We live in an apartment and would love to have a small dog. Apparently, our building has a "no pets" policy. However, several tenants have small dogs and cats. When we asked our landlords, they told us these tenants have prescriptions for therapeutic pets and having one of these prescriptions is the only way for us to obtain a pet. What do you know about prescriptions for therapeutic pets? Do you have to be clinically depressed or have other mental disorders in order to qualify? Or you can you just really love animals? Is this something that our family practice doctor can write a prescription for? Thanks for any light you can shed on this topic.

Allison, Riverdale, NY

The Depp of Neighborliness

Dear Dog Lady,

We have a one-eyed dog, Pippin. We adopted him from the pound a couple of years ago. His right eye was gone when we got him. The shelter people didn’t know how he lost it, but he does fine with his limited vision. I just wish the seeing-eyed public could be as accepting. I can’t tell you how many comments and questions we get about Pippin’s missing eye. Nobody has ever been rude about it, until our new neighbor in Provincetown began calling Pippin “pirate” or “Davy Jones dog.” Whenever he sees us, he yells, “Ahoy mateys.” We figure he’s probably seen “Pirates of the Caribbean” too many times, but this is getting old. What can we politely tell him to shut him up?

Bruce, Cape Cod, MA

Triangular Talk

Dear Dog Lady,

My husband and 14-year-old son talk to each other through Rusty, our female Jack Russell terrier. “Rusty needs a cell phone,” says my son to his father. “Tell Rusty that if she doesn’t sit upstairs at the computer IM-ing all night long and gets up before noon, then maybe she can have a cell phone.” Or: “Rusty wants Chamillionaire’s “Sound of Revenge” (a CD we won’t allow our son to buy because of the explicit lyrics).” And Dad ignores the question as he replies: “Tell Rusty we don’t allow Britney Spears in this house.”

Is such triangular talk normal?

Leslie, Hobe Sound, FL

Potty Mouth

Dear Dog Lady,

I’m a new dog owner. My Havanese puppy, Boing-Boing, is great, but I hope you understand my disgust with other dog owners. At the park and in the local dog shop, it seems all they want to talk about is dog bathroom behavior. Diarrhea is debated like it’s a pressing world issue. Scolding owners who don’t pick up after their dogs seems like an Olympic sport. What have I stepped into?

Chelsey, Chicago, IL

Pre-Rinse Or Bad Spin?

Dear Dog Lady,

At a recent dinner party, the hostess allowed her dog to lick our plates after we ate. She called it the “Lucy Lab pre-rinse” and asked us to put our plates on the floor while the Labrador retriever licked them clean. I don’t have a dog and am unused to such unsanitary behavior. Is this customary?

Dina, Great Neck, NY

Fabric Softener

Dear Dog Lady,

I live in a condominium and residents share a common laundry area. In the basement, we have three coin operated washers and dryers. Not as convenient as having a washer and dryer right in my condo, but handy all the same.

One day, I brought my laundry downstairs and ran into Jen from the third floor. She’s someone I thought I’d like to know better, mainly because she’s so pretty. She was taking her wash out of the machine and putting it into the dryer. I was also pleased about the freed-up machine -- until I saw Jen transfer Elvis’ soggy Polarfleece dog bed from the washer to the dryer.

Yuck. Naturally, I didn’t make a fuss. But I turned the water temperature up as high as it would go and threw in an extra dollop of detergent. I hoped the hot suds would kill all dog germs and smells. Later, I had the distinct displeasure of having my laundry follow Elvis’ bed into the dryer. (It was the only one not in use). My clothes came out dry but covered with little dog hairs.

Needless to say, my attraction for Jen has left the building. Should I also suggest to her that she take Elvis’ fleece bed out of the building to a public laundromat?

-Zack, Boston, MA.

How Can I Help That Doggie In the Window?

Dear Dog Lady,

There is a day care for small dogs in my local pet store. Whenever I go in there, I enjoy peeping over the partition to see the little guys. They greet me eagerly, except for one white dog (a Bichon, I think) lying in the corner with its back to everyone. This dog looks so lonely. I asked the day care owner about this and she said she hasn’t been able to get answers from the owner who, apparently, doesn’t even know how old the dog is. I want to help this dog. Is there anything I can do?

Michelle, Cambridge, MA

Seen One Seen 'Em All

Dear Dog Lady,

I have a West Highland terrier named Max. I got him two years ago when I saw an empty nest looming. Max has delightfully filled the void.

I dote on Max. He’s Mr. Personality -- high-spirited, sometimes bossy, always amusing. I take him to be groomed regularly. My groomer, Josephine, only handles Westies.

On our latest trip to Josephine’s, Max was scheduled to be shaved for summer. I left him in the morning with a bunch of other Westies. Harried with errands, I rushed back to pick up Max in the afternoon and was annoyed to find Josephine had put the wrong collar on my dog.

After untangling the collar issue, I scooped up Max and off we went. Max surprised me when he jumped right into the car. He’d never done that before. When Max got home, there was more unusual behavior -- he pooped twice in the kitchen.

Later that evening, everything was different about my dog. He didn’t dive into his food. He didn’t leap and yelp at the TV. He refused to go into his crate, which is his sanctuary. Finally, my youngest son declared, “Mom, this isn’t Max.” My stomach turned. I knew he was right. “But where’s our dog?” I wailed.

First thing in the morning, I called Josephine. She figured out that Westie Max had been mixed up with Westie Eddie. She was very apologetic, but I knew the confusion was mine. In a roomful of Westies, I couldn’t pick out my own dog

Turns out my Max had been taken to a lush estate where he spent the evening lying poolside during a “sweet sixteen” splash party. If I hadn’t reclaimed him, he was scheduled to travel to a vacation house in Maine. He was living Eddie’s good life. He barely looked up when I arrived to fetch him and deposit Eddie. However, in a flash of recognition, he showered me with kisses.
But I’m still rattled. Dog Lady, how could I not know my dog?

-Susanne, Ridgefield, Conn.

Toilet Talk

Dear Dog Lady,

I’m a new dog owner. My Havanese puppy, Boing-Boing, is great, but I hope you understand my disgust with other dog owners. At the park and in the local dog shop, it seems all they want to talk about is dog bathroom behavior. Diarrhea is debated like it’s a pressing world issue. Scolding owners who don’t pick up after their dogs seems like a blood sport. What have I stepped into?

Chelsey, Portland, ORE

Dog 101

Dear Dog Lady,

We’ve had our family dog London for six years. She’s a wonderful little Maltese and she means everything to my daughter, Diane. When Diane goes back to college for her spring semester, she says she wants to bring London with her. Her dorm allows small pets and there are a few, but not a lot of dogs. While I would miss both of my kids with them gone, I’m concerned about London’s well-being. Is a college dorm a good place for a dog? Even one that is loved?

Aubrey, Greenwich, CT

Fencing With Neighbors

Dear Dog Lady,

I have an older dog and she's great. She usually does her duty in the backyard and sits in the front yard to rest. We have another older dog next door to us, and every day I find dog doodoo on the grass on that side of my house. I know my dog is not doing it because she always goes in the back, and I never see my neighbor picking up doodoo on her front yard. It seems as if her dog trained itself to poop on my side! Therefore, I am always picking it up. Anything I can put on the grass to deter this dog from pooping on my property? Please help.

Nancy, Topeka, KS

Fidociary Duties

Dear Dog Lady,

What is the best way to say "no dog right now, please wait" to family who are not listening? My 11-year-old and wife claim they have wanted and waited for a dog all their lives and I am the obstacle.

I am in a temp job right now, and after the recent 11 month spell of unemployment, our savings is all gone. I want to build up our savings and have spare money saved away for new job search, dog purchase, and initial vet care.

David, London, UK

Giveback's A Bitch

Dear Dog Lady,

I hope that you may be able to help me. I gave my dog to someone a couple of days ago. When she got the dog, we agreed that if I wanted the dog back she would bring her home. After about 24 hours, I realized how big of a mistake that I made. I miss my dog terribly and now she is refusing to give the dog back. Is this kind of verbal contract legally binding?

Shaun, Bronx, NY

A Doggy Deal-Breaker

Dear Dog Lady,

I don’t have a dog. I don’t even like dogs. But I think I may have committed a dog-related breach of etiquette. I ask you to advise me.

I’m the president of a large company and a few of my friends are CEOs and executives. My wife and I socialize with them. The other night, we were out with Skip and Sue (not their real names). Skip works for a major bank and I’ve always thought of him as a hard-nosed money man and corporate player like myself.

Anyway, we’re out at dinner and Skip couldn’t stop talking about the new puppy that he and Sue had recently gotten. Skip went on about the puppy’s antics, what he feeds the puppy, how often he walks the puppy. I was getting so bored.

Finally, I couldn’t take it any more and started teasing Skip about this new “relationship.” He abruptly stopped the dog chatter and basically shut up for the rest of the evening. Relations got chillier. As soon as dessert was finished, Skip ended the evening on a curt note by tossing out a credit card and leaving quickly. Sue and my wife seemed a little confused by his behavior. Could you tell me if you think I offended him?

Paul, Boston, MA

Chaos And Cocktails

Dear Dog Lady,

I am an advertising guy and I’ve noticed a new trend in the annals of marketing. Yuppy-puppy parties, where people and their dogs are invited to sip and sup, have become hugely popular cocktail fundraisers for animal organizations and branding events for trendy hotels and restaurants.

You’re always sounding off about what’s good for the dogs. Do dogs really like to nibble and mingle at these soirees? Or does all the forced socializing stress them out?

Matthew, New York, NY

Nutty Nurturing?

Dear Dog Lady,

This summer I am sharing a beach house with my friend and her dog. Initially, I was peeved when she asked to bring Joe because I didn’t want a dog underfoot. But Joe, some sort of terrier, is very well behaved and doesn't mess around at all. Actually, I have become quite fond of him but I don't understand my friend’s total adoration of this dog.

She’s newly divorced and childless so I guess she’s a little needy. But my lordy, she babies the creature to an extraordinary degree. When we go to the beach, she brings along an extra chair for Joe to sit under. He has his own towel. She also puts icepacks on him to keep him cool and stows bottles of water and bags of treats in the cooler for whenever Joe is thirsty or hungry. I want to shriek at her, “C’mon, he’s a dog for heavenssakes,” but I bite my tongue.

Does this sort of coddling behavior seem strange to you?

Myrna, Bellmore, NY

Snoopy Sympathy

Dear Dog Lady,

Today while pulling into a condo community from the street, I accidentally ran over someone's beloved pet Schnauzer, Snoopy. Before I knew it, I saw a red leash and heard a yelp and realized the puppy had ran into the street while the owner's roommate had her hands full walking to the recycling bin. I immediately parked the car and saw that the puppy was hurt very badly.

A passerby told us of an animal hospital nearby, and we rushed there but there was nothing to be done. She had a broken back. I felt so horrible. It was an accident that could've been avoided had the roommate been in control of the young pup.

I stayed with the roommate at the animal hospital and then went to pick up
the owner from the nearby university where we both attend. I offered my condolences but feel it is not enough. I want to send flowers but I don't want to appear overly emotional or submit to any fault. I don't know what to do or how to feel about it.

The owner cried while signing the papers at the hospital and then I took both of them home. She had the dog for little over a year. I can't bring Snoopy back but I want to bring the owner flowers or something to show that I care about how this made her feel. What should I do? Any advice would be very helpful.

Lolita, Laurel, MD

Meet the Parents

Dear Dog Lady,

New neighbors just moved in next door to our Cape Cod house. We have not met them, but have heard they are nice people. The trouble is they own three Rottweilers. Their yard is completely fenced, including an entry gate. My fear is that one day one or all three dogs will get out and come to our house. We have three children ages 13, 10 and 7. We also own a beagle.

I want to talk with our new neighbors about their dogs, but don't want to start the relationship off by offending them. I am not sure what to ask to know if our safety will be insured. I am terribly concerned that the dogs will do something awful. How would you approach such a neighbor? What questions do I ask?

Very Concerned, Harwichport, MA

Clicker Training

Dear Dog Lady,

I’m into Comcast, the cable company, for big bucks in chewed-up clicker costs. My Lab Molly chows down on the remote control devices around the house. I try to tell my kids to hide them from the dog, but if any clicker is at Labrador retriever eye level, Molly will find it and gnaw on it. Comcast charges me $30 to replace the mangled remotes. I also worry about any harm to Molly from ingesting bits of the electronic devices. Why does my dog this? How can I make her stop?

Jan, Cambridge, MA.

Bringing Up Baby

Dear Dog Lady,

My wife is pregnant with our first child and I am wondering what the best way to get our dogs, a Weimaraner and wire-haired terrier, accustomed to the baby before the baby actually comes home so it is not a huge shock. I don't want to have the dogs hurt the baby on accident. At the same time I want the dogs to keep the same level of freedom they are accustomed to. How should we handle this?

David, Salt Lake City, UT

Bark Home the Bacon

Dear Dog Lady,

A best friend has a very misbehaved dog, Cajun. The giant Lab jumps on us when we arrive and always has his head in our laps at the dinner table looking for scraps. It doesn't help that my friend feeds him our leftovers by letting the dog lick off the dinner plates. Is there anything to be done by the guests to deal with the dog? Or can we suggest something to our friend?

Laura, Billerica, MA.

Si, Si, Kitty

Senora Dog Lady,

I am a college student and am currently studying in Madrid for the year. I live with two cats, Pirracas y Panzer, and, as each day goes by, I fall more in love with them. I discovered your Web site when I was homesick and surfing. In your columns, you describe the many ways that the love and friendship from dogs can be the best of therapies. My question: Can you feel this kind of love for two cats as well? They play so much and are just like two little boys. I had a number of lonely months during my school year in Madrid and these days I cannot seem to stop smiling with these cats. Does cat love exist as well?

Nathan, Madrid

Pastor-ized Cheesy

Dear Dog Lady,

I am currently enrolled in school to become a certified dog trainer. I am almost through my course and have been getting lots of questions from friends and co-workers about their dogs and their situations. When I am through listening to them and I analyze the problem, I then proceed to offer my insight and suggestions. I try to do this very carefully of course -- because humans in general do not take criticism well.

For example, my pastor and his wife asked me a question about their Aussie [Australian terrier] and it was a fairly easy answer because their situation is a fairly common problem. When I gave them my suggestion about how to fix their dog’s behavior, they both kind of "argued" with me -- not really all-out fighting or yelling, but just defensive. They were trying to tell me it couldn't happen with their dog. I tried to word the answer differently, but I don't think it worked. I have a nasty feeling this owner defensiveness will be a bigger problem than I want. Got any suggestions?

Laura, Wisconsin

Pissing Contested

Dear Dog Lady,

I recently moved into the city from the suburbs. I’m still getting used to the dog culture in my neighborhood. On the one hand, I like to see a lot of dogs on the streets because it makes me feel safer. On the other hand, I don’t like to see so many dogs relieving themselves on the granite cornerstone of my townhouse. The stone always drips with dog pee. Makes me nuts. How do I deal with this, other than becoming the local grouch and shooing away dogs 24/7?

Lucy, Brooklyn Heights, NY

Scared Of Santa

Dear Dog Lady,

I took Max, my Shepherd-mix, to meet Santa Claus at the local pet store in the mall. The store was selling pictures of dogs with Santa and I thought it would be neat to put floppy antlers on Max and have him pose with the big guy. Max had other ideas. When I put the antlers on him, he kept dragging his head on the floor until I took them off. When Santa tried to put his arm around my dog for the photo, Max bolted, which cranked up the barking from the other dogs waiting for Santa. It was humiliating for me to corner Max in the kibble aisle. I grabbed him, put on the leash, and left the store without waiting for the picture. Since then, I’m mad at Max for creating the scene. What made him so scared of Santa?

Bruno, Chicago, ILL

Home For the Holidays

Dear Dog Lady,

I have a three-year-old male Westie (West Highland terrier). My sister has a five-year-old male Westie. She is coming for Christmas with the dog to stay. The dogs met only once before and hated each other. Any tips to prevent bloodshed over the holiday?

Yvonne, Scotland

Sunrise Howling

Dear Dog Lady,

I am a dog lover. However, I struggle to find any love for the dog owners whose noise level makes the sounds of a barking, yapping, growling dog seem like a pussy cat. I live (near) a popular early morning spot for dog owners to get together. For a long time now my boyfriend and I have been frustrated by many dog owners' lack of consideration for the people who live here. Six a.m. isn't social hour for everyone, even dog lovers, that's for sure! I'm hoping my letter will help to bring attention to those dog owners who need to be mindful, less loquacious and more thoughtful of their neighbors.

I would appreciate any further suggestions you may have on how to approach this ongoing issue.

Cheryl, Boston, MA

Good Neighbor Policy

Dear Dog Lady,

I'm very concerned about the puppy, Blarney, that lives next door. He belongs to an elderly woman who would otherwise live alone. This dog never gets out for a walk. His leash is hooked on at the top of the stairs and there is barely enough rope for him to get all the way down the stairs. The dog is approximately one-year-old and has never been bathed, groomed or on a vet visit. I want to help this puppy, but I'm not sure of the best way to approach the situation. Please help!

Concerned Neighbor, MA

The Brady Bunch?

Dear Dog Lady,

OK, here is my dilemma: I have a one-year-old longhaired Chihuahua to whom I am very attached. I am newly married and have two stepchildren, but Brady is like my little boy. My husband and I are taking our honeymoon this month and Brady will be staying at home with the stepkids and a family member for ten days. I am worried about leaving him. I have been with him every day for the last year and we are very attached to each other. I am nervous that he might get sick or not eat while I am away.

Do you have any suggestions on making this easy for both of us? Will he even care that I am gone? Will I miss him more than he will miss me?

Trish, Dedham, MA

Grieving A Yorkie

Dear Dog Lady.

We recently lost Dandy, our beloved 10-year-old Yorkie, to complications from surgery trying to remove an intestinal cancerous tumor. We are coping and reading lots of articles online about pet grief and the question always comes up of when/if we should get another pet and should we get the same breed. There is a lot of advice out there but none I trust more than yours. Any tips?

Andrea, Cincinnati, OH

Unleashed About Leashing

Dear Dog Lady,

Given the recent blizzard of publicity about the evils of pit bulls and the Boston City Council's new restraint rules for pit bulls, are we not now due (no, overdue) for a not-so-gentle reminder that ALL dogs must on leash at ALL times?

Those terrible events would never have occurred if both dogs were leashed. I have a dog-aggressive dog, and she is always leashed with a Gentle Leader so I can control her. The problem is with other off-leash dogs who approach her. When I tell the owner to put his dog on-leash, I get 3 replies: "Get your vicious dog off the street." "My dog is friendly" (well, yeah, maybe, but mine is not). And my favorite: "My dog doesn't have to be on the leash - she always follows my commands" (presumably even when a squirrel dashes in front of her at a busy intersection).

Today, I got a new response: walking through Copley Square, an off-leash Akita mix came running up to my dog. I screamed at the owner to put his dog on the leash. He said, "Oh, I thought that was just pit bulls." Admittedly, he was as dumb as a bag of rocks, but clearly the new laws against pit bulls are doing nothing to avert future dog tragedies.

And why is it always male dog owners whose dogs are off-leash? If a dog is off-leash, almost without exception, it belongs to a guy. Too much testosterone? Not enough? Just too darned lazy to follow the normal dog's normal stop-and-start, meandering sniff down the street?

Martha, Boston

Jealous Of Jack?

Dear Dog Lady,

My parents are in their late 70's -- very healthy, retired, and nuts where their dog is concerned. I am 55 years old and the eldest of three. A couple of years ago, I purchased a Jack Russell terrier for them as they are on a fixed income. Now, they will not go anywhere without the dog. When I visit, the dog barks non-stop and is carried around by one or both of them. The dog eats at the dining room table with all of us. I find this disgusting and revolting. So, I have not visited them in a while and they have not come to my house in almost two years. Because of this animal, our relationship has deteriorated to zero.

Any words of wisdom?

Susan

Breed Bias

Dear Dog Lady,

How can I profess to be a dog lover yet am completely bored by breeded dogs? The park where I run my multimix dogs is filled with the fancy , schmancy , monolineage breeds but I find them not at all engaging. Mutts on the other hand are intriguing, adorable, beguiling, & entertaining -- not to mention the unique appearances of such amalgams. My motto has always been "don't breed or buy while homeless pets die." Guess this accounts for my aloofness to both the breeds and their owners."

Treasa, Philadelphia

Is It Kosher?

Dear Dog Lady,

Ever hear of a Bark Mitzvah? My friend Marge is throwing one for her dog, Biscuit. Her invitation promises plenty of food, a “coming of age ceremony,” games, and “other surprises.” I can’t imagine what other surprises Marge might have in store since the term “Bark Mitzvah” alone took my breath away. Frankly, the whole thing offends me, even though Marge has always seemed like a reasonably sane person. What’s your take?

-Warren, Claremont, Calif.

Come, Lucy, Come!

Dear Dog Lady,

I’m feeling a bit paranoid because it seems every dog I meet these days has my name -- Lucy. Sometimes, when I’m out in the neighborhood, I hear stereo commands ringing in my ears: “Lucy! Come! Or, “Lucy! Drop it!” Or, worse, “Lucy! Bad girl!”

I’m a little confused. What is it about my moniker that makes it such an appealing dog name?

-Lucy, Columbus, Ohio

Bull's Eye

Dear Dog Lady,

I got a $25 Target gift card for Christmas. My boss gave it to me. Geez, I wasn’t too thrilled with the cheap token. I don’t know why he didn’t spring for $50 or $100. Even though it’s a discount store, $25 won’t get me much. Regardless of the stinginess, I am enchanted with the picture on the card of a white dog with red circles around its eye. I enjoy looking at the dog’s mug more than I enjoy thinking about how to spend the gift money. In fact, I might not bother and just keep the card. Do you know the name of the Target dog? And what kind of dog is it?

Marcella, Des Moines, IA

Paw Print Of Optimism

Dear Dog Lady,

I’m at a dicey time in my life. At 44, I’ve been “down-sized” from my high tech job and been out of work for six months. To make ends meet, I’ve had to move in with a roommate who is another laid-off worker -- from the financial services field. She rents half of a house, which I’m sharing and paying half the rent. Because she lived there first, she’s spread her stuff all over the place. I’m quarantined to a small room.

Not only must I contend with her, but also I have to live with her dog, a large poodle named Jim (by the way, I’ve always thought it odd when people give their dogs real human names). She lets Jim wander freely around the house and the other day, when I was out, I came back to find Jim lounging on my bed. My roommate was home at the time but hadn’t bothered to check up on the dog’s whereabouts.

Initially, I was appalled when I saw Jim on my bed and I shooed him away. But after he wandered off, I had the strangest feeling of desolation. I realized I was touched the dog had chosen my bed for a catnap. Now, I leave my door open for Jim and am disappointed when he doesn’t come in for a visit. I never much cared for dogs before. What’s happening to me?

Royce, Dallas, TX

Sympathy For the Bowser Bereft

Dear Dog Lady,

A woman in my office has recently lost her dog, Nikki. I’ve already said I’m sorry to her but want to reach out to her in a more significant way. Is there a dog sympathy card that might express my condolences?

Steve, Duluth, Minnesota

Doggy Dollars and Sense

Dear Dog Lady,

My husband and I are dog people. We have two sweeties: mixed breeds who were abandoned and abused before coming to our home. Because they were abandoned, we don't leave them in kennels - they usually travel with us. We both work, so to stave off canine boredom and prevent accidents in our house, we use a combination of premium doggie day care and a very reliable dog walker.

We feel good about how we treat our canine companions, but our family is critical of the cost of this care, and what they view as our unhealthy obsession with Angel and Zoë. And they are vocal about it. For example, my 12-year old nephew sat my husband down last month and lectured him. "They are 'only dogs,' " he said. "You spend too much money on them."

Clearly, he was echoing thoughts from my sister and/or brother-in-law. I know this shouldn't bother me, but I feel it's out of line. After all, the way we choose to spend our money reflects our values, and we are, as I said, dog people.

Dog Lady, do you have a clever way to silence the family on this subject of doggie overindulgence? Or do we just need to ignore their unwelcome commentary?

(By the way, we are generous with our extended family -- not just our dogs.)

Gail, New Jersey

Off-Leashed Tongue Lashings

Dear Dog Lady,

I walk with my dog Bebe around a reservoir where dogs are most welcome. However, I feel Bebe and I are having a big problem of "situational ethics". There is a sign posted that says something about how all dogs need to be controlled off leashes. While Bebe and I have been walking very nicely on the leash, unleashed dogs have run up to us to play. When we start playing, the owners of the unleashed dogs will run over screaming about how their dogs can’t play with leashed dogs because it “threatens” them. This has happened twice. What should I do or say to these people? Maybe I am unaware of some dog psychobabble. Please help me understand so Bebe and I can walk in peace.

Sue, Somerville, MA

The Long Goodbye

Dear Dog Lady,
Spike is my terrific 6-year-old fox terrier. He loves when human company comes to call. But he hates when human company leaves. He barks, yowls and whines when they try to get out the door. He has done this since he was 2 months old. We have tried distracting him with toys or treats, but to no avail. All other times, he is very well behaved. He does not do this when either my husband or I leave. Can you help us, Dog Lady?

Gail, Russellville, Ark

Back To High School

Dear Dog Lady,

I’m trying not to take it personally, but my feelings are hurt. This morning when I showed up at the park where neighborhood dogs and their owners gather every day, only one woman was there with her dog, Daisy, a Maltese. The dog ran over to my dog, greeting us warmly. Daisy’s owner was not so sunny. She responded to my bright “good morning” with a question: “Where is everybody?” She made me feel invisible. I felt like saying to her, “What am I? Chopped liver?”

Suddenly, my dog group feels like high school with its own social order and outcasts. Am I not in the popular crowd?

Miranda, Minneapolis

Canine harassment

Dear Dog Lady,

I’ve endured a recent rash of canine harassment. In two separate incidents, guys have mocked my dog, a Bichon Frise named Brunhilde. My dog is small, white and cream puff adorable. She doesn’t deserve to be ridiculed, although admittedly she doesn’t know it’s happening, but I get offended for both of us.

The first instance occurred this summer in the small Maine town where I vacation. I pulled up to the general store, where a group of locals surrounded by their Labrador and Golden retrievers, were hanging out on the porch drinking coffee. I left Brunhilde in the car while I went in to pick up the newspaper. When I came out, one of the men pointed to Brunhilde, who sitting up in the passenger seat, minding her own business. “Hey,” he called out, “we want to know if that’s a real dog.” They all burst out laughing. Hardy, har har. I grit my teeth and smiled: “Yeah, she’s real.” Seems the funnyman wasn’t finished: “That dog looks like a stuffed animal.” “Thank you,” I said. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” I pulled out of the parking lot seething.

Then, last week, I was walking Brunhilde. We were preparing to cross the street when a van from the Plymouth County Sheriff’s office pulled into the crosswalk and stopped for the light. I motioned to the driver to back up out of the crosswalk and he did. We crossed in front of them and as we’re stepping up to the curb, the guy in the passenger seat rolls down his window and says with a smirk: “We wouldn’t mind backing up for a real dog.” Again, I managed a weak retort, but, geez, push my buttons, buster!

Dog Lady, is this an insecure male problem? Something about size? How should I respond to these annoying remarks?

Marta, Burlington, MA.

Labor no-Dog Day

Dear Dog Lady,

My husband and I have been invited to Martha Vineyard for Labor Day weekend. My friend, Beverly, is showing off the house she just bought in Oak Bluffs. When I was hoping Beverly would beckon us, I was thrilled by the prospect of a wonderful weekend at the beach, filled with languourous lobster dinners, long bike rides, sand between my toes. Now, I am not thrilled because my Labradoodle, Lizzy, has been asked to stay home.

When Beverly called and asked what we were doing over Labor Day and would we come to the Vineyard, I naturally thought the invitation included Lizzy. But toward the end of our conversation, she made the uninvite abundantly clear: “I wish I could have your dog but, quite frankly, I don’t want a dog around. I’m sorry but you’ll have to leave Lizzy home. Do you have a kennel or someplace the dog can go?” She lowered the bada-boom.

I must say I was stunned but recovered the fumble. “Oh, yes,” I trilled with forced cheeriness. “We have a great dogsitter. I’ll make arrangements.”

When I got off the phone, I was seething. How dare Beverly ban my dog?

As the weekend approaches, I’m still mad at Beverly and I don’t want to leave Lizzy. My husband, a cooler head, says the dog will be fine. He says people are allowed to keep dogs out of their homes and not be punished for it.

I feel, however, my friendship with Beverly is strained and our Vineyard weekend has already been tainted. I just won’t enjoy myself as much without my dog. Should I stay or should I go?

-Laura, Waltham, MA.

Marriage Therapy Dog

Dear Dog Lady,

During a recent weekend visit with my former college roommate, she and I stayed up much too late quaffing cheap Chianti and hashing over her troubled marriage. She described how her husband had been keeping to himself, watching too much TV, forsaking his regular exercise routine and stuffing himself with junk food. A funk has settled on their empty-nest household. My friend seemed at wits end. I told her to get a dog because the dog would definitely provide companionship for her and boost his spirits as well.

The next morning, I found her poring over the pet page in the newspaper. She told me she was cheered by the idea of a canine addition to the household. She planned to surprise her husband, she said, because the idea of discussing it beforehand was too daunting. As I packed up to leave, she was calling the local shelter.

Did I overstep my bounds? After all, I put the therapy dog idea in her head. I had no clue she’d jump on it like a puppy with a rope bone.

- Fiona in Lake Bluff, Illinois

Doggy Grandma

Dear Dog Lady,

I am part of the so-called "Greatest Generation". I raised five children who have given me many grandchildren. I love being called “grandma.” I have a problem with “doggy grandma.”

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy dogs. But I come from an era when dogs had their proper place in the family. They ate whatever I remembered to put in their bowls and they slept in the garage. They lived amongst us happily on the periphery. They didn’t command the center of attention. Now, I see my fortysomething daughters pampering their pets, feeding them holistic foods, treating them like children. I wonder if I should be the cranky voice of reason here.

-Anna in South Salem, N.Y.